Yes, the snow is here. It started at about 10:30 this morning. I had woken up early to go to our local Kmart for some good after-Christmas deals on some things I've been needing to get. Absolutely random stuff- a snow-brush for my car, a fold-able handcart for at the craft shows, a new belt, and a new pair of shoes. I don't really go to Kmart often, just because ours is small and cramped- talk about trying to cram as much merchandise into one room as possible!
Anyways, we went into Kmart, and it was yet to snow. We came out and Hello, snowstorm Euclid! The parking lot was getting a good layer, it wasn't too bad though... until that moment I turned to look at my husband and "Whoosh!" I went slipping and sliding. A "pop, pop...pop" in my ankle later, I was flat on my face in the middle of the parking lot. Since my ankle was numb and hurt like...heck... at the same time, I was pretty convinced it was busted. I must have just twisted it up pretty good because I am wobbling around on it. It twisted inwards, so it is the outside part of my leg, ankle and foot that are sore and tight now.
The silly thing is, the other people in the parking lot all turned to each other and whispered loudly to each other, "Did that girl just fall?!" Nope, just like to taste the pavement. I like to test it out everywhere I go. This one tastes the same as all the others! ::Rolls eyes:: Talk about "Here's your sign." Only one nice lady stopped in her car to ask if I was okay- then told me to "be careful", the snow was "getting bad".
So, between the icky snow and a twisted up ankle, it is another derailment of getting back full-swing to the gym! ;'( I came home and made some homemade french onion soup, took a nap with my foot up, and am planning on getting started on sewing my platypus army. Since I only have 1 pair of safety eyes until my order comes in, I am not sure how far I can really get on the project. BUT- I am determined to make some sort of progress on SOMETHING today! lol
Stay safe in the snow everyone!
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Back in the fall I joined the local gym. Nothing fancy, but enough to go after work and get some exercise in. I can jump on the treadmill or the bikes and watch shows on cable tv at the same time. (A luxury because we don't have cable at tv at home.) I honestly enjoy going, and I was going every single chance I had for a good couple months. Then I got sick. And not the usual 7-10 days and everything is right in the world again, sick. I mean, I was SICK for a MONTH solid. I had to leave work early a couple times and call off and go to the doctor- which is just absolutely unheard for me. I am pretty sure the ladies at work thought I was dying or something! And THEN 2 months of periods started, along with the holidays, which means I was working 35+ hours a week at my day job, and coming home and working just as many hours on my Etsy shop. I set amazing shop records in November and December- but it all came at a price... I was lagging at the gym and I am *officially* up to 185. Not that I was losing any weight when I was busting butt at the gym anyways, but at least I was trying.
I have been easing myself back into the routine. The next couple months are going to be slow, both at my day job, and my shop- so I should have lots of opportunities to be at the gym and/or working out at home.
I haven't been eating terrible, but not really the best either. So I have been easing into that as well- lots of veggies, proteins and very few carbs. Lots of water!
I've also been getting some motivation from pinterest and articles such as: Simple ways to lose 10 lbs
(I am starting with water and fresh, home cooked food. I have been so pressed for time lately, that pre-packaged and processed foods start to dominate our meals- not to mention all of those darn tasty holiday foods. And also, this blog!)
My ultimate goal is to get back down to 150 and/or a size 12 pant. I have 35 lbs and many pant sizes to go!
Can I do it finally?!
I will check in as much as I can!
As many people know- and many people don't know- I have been battling PCOS issues for several years. I am 25 and have been telling the doctors since I was 15 that something isn't right. I have just about every symptom in the book, the doctors STILL won't believe me, and I am still gaining weight and having crazy PCOS related problems. (If you don't know what PCOS is, it is Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome. You can read about it HERE.)
And here is a quick diagram:
Here is the abbreviated version of my particular issues:
And here is a quick diagram:
And another on insulin resistance:
Here is the abbreviated version of my particular issues:
- Few to no periods. I can go months at a time without, have a few, and then go without again. When I was 15 I had periods about every other month, and that was my "normal", but over the years I have come to realize being completely un-normal IS my normal.
- Recently new- periods that last for a month at a time. And then back to none at all. (Yay me!)
- Hair growth called hirsutism- face, stomach, hands, toes, and other weird places that is not very lady-like or becoming. My arm hair has even turned super dark.
- Acne and oily skin- and by acne, I mean, all over my upper body- front and back. It is so embarrassing I usually wear clothes that cover it up when I go out of the house because it is pretty embarrassing at 25 to be dealing with it.
- Depression symptoms and crazy mood swings.
- Weight gain- mostly around my belly area. I joke that I look more pregnant than the pregnant girls I know. It occurs slowly, but all at the same time. Every now and again, I wake up and have gained 5lbs for no apparent reason. In the past 2 months, I have gained 15 pounds, and OMG I feel it! It is absolutely the worst part of all of this, because no matter what I do- diet, exercise, more diet and exercise- IT WON'T GO AWAY! 150 used to be my normal.Then 155. Then 160, then for the longest time I was keeping steady at 163-165 by working my butt off. I am now at 185. Yes. I said it. Since fall I have bumped up to 185. I am now shopping in the plus sizes. (In college I used to wear a medium.) Based on my BMI I should be between 140-160. I can go on and on and on about the weight thing. The doctors of course tell me I don't diet and exercise and that it is my fault and is the reason for all of my problems. PCOS makes it extremely difficult to lose weight and the doctors don't want to provide any help.
- Sleep problems. If you ask my husband about my sleep the first thing he will tell you is I snore. OMG I snore. I am pretty sure the more weight I gain, the worse it is getting.
- Fatigue/headaches/fogginess. There are days I just want to sleep all day long. I can sleep for 12 hours and still have headaches and just can't get up and going. I feel like I need to eat for energy, but nothing can get me moving. I will crave carbs and sugars as a "quick fix" to stop the headaches and get energy. It is very hard to avoid them when your body is just not functioning and that is the only foreseeable fix to get through the work day. Sometimes the headaches are more like migraines. And then there is the brain fogginess. I can't think quickly, or I forget words. I know what the thing is I am trying to say, but I can't remember what it is called to say it.
- Breast tenderness
- Severe cramps when I do get a period
- Low libido- It is just not what it used to be. :'(
- Fertility issues. I'll be straight with you- I haven't taken any birth control since July 2010, and no, my husband and I don't use anything at all. I went to the doctor complaining about all of my pcos symptoms and she asked if we used any birth control and I told her none at all. She was all offended and wanted to know why. My answer: 1.) We are married, responsible adults,- why are you questioning me like I am some kid running around town? 2.)Yeah, we want a baby 3.) You can't get pregnant if there aren't eggs to fertilize 4.) Doctors just dumping me on birth control to "fix" the missing periods made the issue even worse than before I started. Birth control is just MASKING the symptoms so I stop complaining for now.
I am pretty sure the doctor about fell out of her chair. Meanwhile, I was calculating how much $$$ in birth control pills I would have saved myself over the years. (The answer was about $3000.)
- Oh, and here is another diagram:
- The Doctors (my actual conversations with various doctors):
- "Wait it out"
- When I was 15 doctors told me my irregular, every other month, periods was due to me being young and it "takes a few years to even out". At that point I had been getting them for 2 years, so I waited.
- "Maybe this is your normal"
- Not everyone has a period every 28 days. Some have longer cycles and some are shorter. So what about my sporadic, random, when-ever my body feels like it periods? "Well, maybe that is your normal" Pretty sure bleeding for 2 months straight is NOT normal.
- "You don't have to have a period every month. We can put you on birth control 'for your comfort' so you have a 'period' each month"
- She thinks I am worried about the not bleeding part. I am worried about the whole, um, NOT OVULATING part. Kinda hard to get pregnant if there is NOTHING to fertilize, dear!
- It was at this point where I told her I absolutely refused to go back on birth control. I was on it for over 7 years to "regulate" my periods. The longer I was on it the worse I felt. It was also when I started to take the birth control pills that I started gaining weight.
- "Birth control will settle your hormones"
- Totally not true. Crazy stuff started to happen after I was on the pills. The longer I was on them, the crazier the things were. I would have them change them, and they would tell me it would take "time" to see if they worked any better. Every three months I would go back in and say that things weren't better. They would say, "You just need to wait longer. Keep taking them!" Nope. Liars!
- "We don't see any cysts, so you're fine- but if you are still concerned, go see a specialist."
- I finally had a doctor send me for one of those internal ultrasounds because she STILL didn't believe me. "ALL of your previous tests were 'within normal ranges', but no one has actually looked for cysts." $200 later, they said 0 cysts. Pretty sure that was the biggest let down ever. I was convinced that would be my final proof, and that they would finally believe me that something was wrong. Needless to say, that same week I had the WORST period of my life. It was absolutely horrendous!
- "Oh, yeah, your Estrogen levels are a LITTLE LOW, but just a little, nothing to worry about."
- When I asked what to do next or how they were going to help me, the lady said, "Oh, well, again, like we said- you are fine- but if you are still concerned, you should go see a specialist. Just let us know where you are going and we will forward your labs." That was it. Didn't wait for a response or any additional questions. Just hung up the phone on me.
- "You need to diet and exercise"
- "Apparently you're not!"
- "Apparently you need more!"
- "I don't know what you are complaining about, you are just a little overweight."
- It is impossible to lose weight! OMG. I can honest to god live off salads and water and GAIN 5 lbs. The inability to lose weight is probably the most depressing part of this. The doctors link all of it to my weight- they tell me if I can lose a few pounds, everything will be normal. The problem is, PCOS is a loop. You can't lose the weight because your system is out of whack, but you need to lose weight to get it back on track. My family is outraged that none of the doctors will put me on metformin- not even to try it to see if it works. My mom and aunt are convinced that it will help significantly. (My mom is a nurse and my aunt has PCOS.)
- "Maybe it is your thyroid- oh, nevermind, guess not"
- Nope! Not that either!
- Under-active thyroid problems also run in my family.
- "Just because pcos runs in your family along with diabetes and thyroid problems, that doesn't mean you are at risk for any of that."
- Nope! No cause for alarm bells here!
- There is NO way this could possibly be connected!
- "I am afraid to put you on metformin because it is long term... but if you want to get pregnant, we can start you on clomid."
- Okay, metformin may have a long list of side effects- but quite frankly- I deal with a lot those on a daily basis anyways. Can't feel any worse than I do now, right?!
- Just freakin' TRY it! What is the harm in TRYING it?! I can always stop.
- If it helps get things moving, I can theoretically start to lose the weight and then I wouldn't NEED to keep taking it "long term".
- Clomid is FAR more dangerous to the body!
- The doctor clearly is not understanding. I want to fix the underlying issue of "something isn't right with my body". Why on earth would I try to grow a baby in something that is clearly dysfunctional?! I have the feeling it would just end in bitter disappointment, just like all the doctors appointments over the years trying to fix all of this mess. There is such a high chance of miscarriage with pcos to start with.
This is a seriously abbreviated version of my issues and hurdles. My next step is to just go to an endocrinologist. My aunt was only able to get her pcos diagnosed by skipping all the doctors who didn't know diddly and going to an endocrinologist. The good news is, you don't HAVE to have cysts on the ovaries to be diagnosed, but ob/gyns for the most part won't do it without. Specialists are expensive, and so I have been waiting until after the holidays to go. I still haven't had the "Low Estrogen" lead hashed out or fully addressed. My doctor won't touch it with a ten-foot pole because she does not feel it is low enough to be addressed. And she wants me to go back on birth control, which I flat out refuse to do because at least I am getting more periods now than I was when I first stopped taking it. I am not about to back track.
It still boggles my mind how little doctors understand female reproduction. And I go to FEMALE doctors! (Clearly, my theory of, "they are females, so they will understand me better" is not correct.) Yes, PCOS is a complicated thing because everything is all connected and it is a lot like "what came first? The chicken, or the egg?" The insulin, hormone and weight problems are all connected, they don't know which one is the causing factor. They estimate that 5-10% of females have PCOS and it is a growing problem. It is hard to believe that doctors know nothing about it! NOTHING!